The Ultimate Guide to Dating Apps

With the plethora of dating apps we have to choose from, how the hell do we figure out which one to potentially waste our time on?

Lucky for you, I’ve given (too) many of them a try. I’ve also asked friends and matches on each of the apps why they do or don’t like certain apps… so these findings aren’t just my own.

However, I’d like to stress before we get into anything, that in the end, which app you decide to toy around with really depends on you and your needs (duh). So here are five things to keep in mind:

1. What are you looking for? (Again… duh.)
2. Where do you live? (Some apps will have a higher concentration of people in certain areas – especially if you live in a suburb or small town – than others.)
3. Are you willing to spend money?
4. How much time are you willing to spend creating and maintaining a profile?
5. Is it ok for randos to message you without any sort of prompt?

Bumble

I’ve been using Bumble for literally YEARS. I waited for it to be released on Android and immediately jumped into the hive. Is it worth the hype? Well…

Pros:

• Girl power, baby. Obviously Bumble’s “thing” is that girls have to make the first move. As someone who often swipes drunk, this is a huge plus.
• Easy peasy usability. Link it up with your socials and Spotify account, throw your Instagram handle in the bio, and let the matches come reeling in.
• Other options. Sick of looking for “The One”? Switch to Bumble’s Networking or BFF mode and make a connection to further your amazing career, or meet a new friend to commiserate with. (Real talk: I’ve actually had more luck with this feature than dating… I met one of my best friends on Bumble BFF… and have yet to match with someone I’d consider something long-term with.)

Cons:

• Censorship. Or maybe this is a “pro” for you. Since the Parkland school shooting, Bumble has gone (in my opinion) a bit overboard on its moderation policies. I could do an entire post on this (and tbh, probably will) but for now, I’ll just throw out that these policies make the initial screening process (scrolling through photos quickly) almost completely useless. How are we supposed to know a guy is a total tool if he doesn’t have a shirtless mirror selfie posted?! Also, who the hell is posting photos of children by themselves…
• It’s basically Tinder. After it launched, I was super excited about all the hot, successful guys who were using it. But now… it’s just the same guys on all the other apps and their dogs…

Hinge

I’m just gonna say that this one is currently my favorite.

Pros:

• Bios are more interesting and interactive. Instead of having a few hundred characters to list your Instagram handle and say you love dogs and tacos, you’re prompted to choose 3 questions and answer them, so you can get a better feel for who the person is before even saying hello.
• It lists height…and then some. You can list whether you drink, smoke, etc. in your profile… for those of you who would like to filter people out that way.
• NO SWIPING. To make a potential match, you have to either like or comment on someone’s photo or answer.
• New ways to view users: There’s a “discovery” tab, which works similarly to every other dating app, and a “likes you” tab, where you can see who has already tried to interact with you. If you send a like or comment back to someone in your “likes you” tab, you accept to matching with them.

Cons:

• Too many automatic notifications. I don’t need to know every time someone “likes” one of my photos… but maybe that’s just me.

The League

If you’re not super serious about dating (or dating a specific type of person), this one is pretty useless.

Pros:

• Stay profesh (or discrete). It syncs with your LinkedIn account, so doesn’t show your profile to coworkers (even though finding them on one is lowkey hilarious).
• You’re offered different groups and events to join or attend. The groups are all relatively active, so if you’re new or looking to just make a lot of new friends, it could be a great way to network.
• You don’t just have a distance filter. You can filter people out by things like ethnicity and religion, and it also lists height, if these are important factors to you.

Cons:

• So. Many. Notifications. The Concierge will bombard you with these longass messages that really just say “give us money” in a million different emojis.
• Same dudes, different app. Ok, maybe not entirely, but I can’t say I’ve seen a huge difference in the *quality* of potential matches… but hey, maybe that’s just because I refuse to pay them.
• It really all comes down to money. From the “waiting list” you’re put on when you initially create your profile to the number of matches you’re given per day (3-5, for free accounts), the goal of The League is dollar signs… not to help you find true love.
• Their algorithm will favor/not favor you based on your app activity: How many times you open the app per day, if you reply to messages or message first, etc. (In truth, many apps probably do this, but it’s not quite to the extreme level that The League is, in my experience. I can open Bumble once/week and still get matches up the wazoo…)

I realize there are many apps (Tinder, Plenty of Fish, etc.) that I’m not including here and… well, that’s because they’re not worth it, in my opinion.

Tinder is, as we all know, a cesspool. If you want a quick fuck, download that, but otherwise, I’d weigh the pros and cons of these apps based on what you’re looking for, and go from there.

And you know, if all apps fail, you can always go out in public to meet someone IRL.