It has recently been brought to my attention that sliding into someone’s DM’s is not necessarily sleazy… but is actually not much different than using a dating app.

I disagree. But y’all are gonna do it anyway, so I’ve carefully considered this and done some research to help you slide into her DM’s without being (too much) of a creep.

Your end goal should be meeting or going on a date IRL, and if it’s not… well, then you really are a creep. Kbye.

The main takeaway is that you should treat sliding into someone’s DM’s the same way you would approaching a stranger at a bar. However, since many of us don’t know how to do that successfully either… here are some tips to get the girl of your Insta-Dreams.

*** Note: These rules can be applied to girls too, as it has been brought to my attention that apparently, we do this too.

1. Give yourself a makeover.

Not literally, ok? (Unless you REALLY need one, then it might help…) But seriously consider your account, because if you actually get this person’s attention, we all know the first thing they’re going to do is look at your profile. Fucking duh.

If your account is private, you’re drastically lowering your odds of getting anyone’s attention… even if you CAN spit mad game. This is someone’s first impression of you when you DM and if all they can see is this tiny ass circle picture and no bio, you won’t even get the time of day.

Then once your profile is public, give it a gander. Make sure you have some recent photos that don’t look like complete shit. You don’t have to have professional photos, you just need to showcase that you are actually a real person and not some bored troll. Again, this is your first impression. If you look like shit or you only have blurry images of food, you should probably just give up. No one would swipe right on that anyway.

2. Build a foundation.

Interact with them on their profile, but be cool. Don’t double tap their 40 most recent photos or comment ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ on everything they post. That’s fucking weird.

Instead, start by just following them. MAYBE like their most recent photo. Treat them like you would any other friend in your feed and just be patient. Don’t be a fangirl.

3. Find common ground.

Ok guys, listen up because this one’s important.

You need to set your message apart from every other message and INSPIRE someone to respond. You can’t just send “hello,” or “OMG you’re so pretty,” because whoever they are, they’ve heard that shit a thousand times over and it is literally the most half-assed message ever. What that says to me, is you’re bored and just want attention. Ew.

Luckily, you have a bit more information scrolling through Instagram than seeing a stranger across a crowded room. Obviously there was something about their photos that made you want to reach out to begin with, and hopefully it wasn’t just their attractiveness.

So… what was it? Have you both been to Rome? Have cats? Like Harry Potter?

Whatever it is, use that. Don’t just say they look like someone you want to get to know, because that’s been done a million times over. If you’re looking for more suggestions, check out my post on general conversation starters.

4. Be respectful. Duh.

It’s sad that I even find it necessary to mention this, but alas, it’s 2018 and for some reason guys love sending unsolicited dick pics.

An amateur hunter goes straight in for the kill; As we all know, women prefer professionals. Therefore, the best way to get acquainted with a stranger would be to hold off on sexual advances.

Starting a conversation by trying to get someone in bed isn’t going to have a worthwhile response, so cut it out with the eggplant and peach emojis, even if you’re vegan. Have some fucking respect, PLEASE.

Oh, and you really shouldn’t call someone you don’t know by any pet names, either. That’s creepy as hell. I am not your babe, honey, baby girl… WHATEVER. You say that and you’re just asking to be blacklisted.

5. If they don’t reply, let that shit go.

This person doesn’t know you or owe you anything. There is literally no need to send a million messages if you’re not getting a reply. I promise, if you didn’t get a respose to “hello” the first 30 times, you’re not going to get a reply the 31st time.

Move TF on. You can’t get butthurt and send some dumb message about how rude it is to not respond or how you’re losing your soulmate or some dumb shit. Chalk it up as a loss and just forget about it.

At the end of the day, you really can’t take yourself too seriously…

After all, you’ve never met this person IRL and don’t even have their phone number, so do yourself a favor and don’t get too invested. They might not even check that folder where the messages from randos go… and honestly, the probability of a response is going to be low no matter what you do… especially if you DM me. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

Are you currently dating someone you met via DM?

I want to hear your story! Seriously. I know it IS possible and I swear, I won’t judge you. So leave a comment here or DM me on Instagram (YES, I realize that’s an ironic request, but this would be considered “common ground”… plus your end goal is not the same).

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