It’s a ridiculous concept, in my opinion, and something I seldom condone the use of. As someone who’s confident and direct, it’s difficult for me to understand why we can’t just be real with what we’re thinking and be open about it to the other person. Why do we have to be “sick” instead of just saying we don’t want to hang out? Short answer: We don’t.
But sometimes, you can tell someone what you think, how you’re feeling, blah blah blah, until you’re blue in the face and while they may try to give an inch, sometimes they just can’t. Other times, they just don’t care. Or, they’re too focused on themselves that while they may want to give you more, they just can’t get out of their own head. There comes a point where you just have to give up, let go, and let the door slam on your way out.
As a woman, I want closure. Whether it’s with friends or something more romantic, I don’t just like to leave things hanging… I know I’m not alone here. But sometimes you have to stop and think about it: What are you REALLY going to gain from sending that letter or meeting for a chat? Odds are, they’re not going to magically come around and give you what you want just because you put your foot down, at least not in your time, and you can’t force anyone to do anything.
I’ve come to learn that sometimes you have to give yourself closure instead of relying on someone who probably doesn’t care enough to give it to you. What’s going to be more satisfying: Opening your wounds back up and being vulnerable for a moment just so you can say your peace, or disappearing without a trace?
Ok, we probably can’t (and don’t really need to) completely disappear… and in my opinion, that makes this whole “ghosting” thing even eerier.
So yeah, ghosting someone can be the “easy way out” in a lot of situations, but when you’ve done all you can and you’re sick of trying… take your power back. You don’t need anyone in your life who doesn’t act like they want to be there, and this goes for friends as well as love interests. Just because you realize you’re better off without someone doesn’t mean you don’t still have feelings. It doesn’t mean there was never anything there. That’s why sometimes this is hard… but continuing to force conversations is just fooling us, and could end in a major blow up that will only leave you feeling worse.
Take a deep breath, and hit “unfollow,” “unfriend,” or even block them if you want (or need) to go that far. Delete their number. It’s not as hard as you think, seriously. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid; a quick burst of pain, and then nothing.
Do yourself a favor and do NOT allow yourself to cyber-stalk them, either. If you want to leave your profile open so that they can see what you’re up to (if they really care, let’s be real), then go for it. Social media show-off how fantastic your life is without them. Whatever you need to do to ease your pain and help yourself heal. But if it’s going to make your heart skip a beat to see that he watched your Instagram story, block his sorry ass, at least until you’re strong enough to not let that shit get to you.
Hell, make a pact with a bestie who’s going through something similar. Ghost together – why not make it fun? Keep each other away from the toxic people in your lives. Pinky promise. Then, take a shot or pour yourself a glass of champagne to celebrate.
If they come around (however many months/years later), that’s their problem. If they’re dedicated enough to get ahold of you, sure, maybe give some sort of explanation. After all, you’ve already won. Just don’t let them pull you back down to their level.