If you haven’t realized by now, I’m neither a relationship coach nor a life coach… and I’m certainly not a therapist. However, I, like many of us, have learned quite a bit through experience (both good and bad).
Whether you’ve benched yourself from dating or you’re just getting over a break up, jumping back in to the Dating Game is tough. Frankly, even when you’ve been playing a while, it’s tough. So here are a few tips to help you jump back in:
A wise warthog once said, “You got to put your behind in your past.”
Ok, so Pumba got it kind of backwards (pun intended). What he really meant, was you need to put your past behind you (something that TBH is crucial for happiness in general but that’s a new can of worms).
The truth is, you really can’t expect to have some sort of “prosperous” relationship with someone if you’re not over your shit. Whether it’s because your ex cheated on you with your bestie or whatever, it doesn’t really matter. A new relationship means a clean slate, or at least it should. Learning from the past and dwelling on it are two different things. So put it in the Burn Book, get a therapist, go on vacation… whatever you need to do to leave that shit in the past, do it.
That doesn’t mean you can’t rebound BEFORE you’re over it.
Okay, maybe this isn’t the best advice I can give, but I definitely subscribe to the motto “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Don’t forget that this is kind of like numbing the pain with drugs or alcohol… eventually the high wears off. It may not be the healthiest way to cope, but if you really need a push back into dating, I think it’s a nice way to give yourself a little bit of your confidence back.
Just make sure you use it in moderation (and use protection of course).
Speaking of confidence…
…Getting your mojo back is crucial. And I get it, it’s way easier said than done. So give yourself the space you need to grieve, but no matter what happened in your relationship, remember that you’re a fucking boss who deserves the world.
Go buy yourself a new wardrobe. Get a mani-pedi. A hair cut (just make sure you don’t do anything too crazy that’s not approved by someone you trust… the break up hair cut is a bad cliche for a reason). Do what you have to do to make yourself feel like the beautiful, amazing human being that you are. Then go out there and do the damn thing.
Lean on your besties (duh).
That’s what we’re here for! Helping each other get through break up’s and trying to navigate the crazy world of dating is just part of being friends. As Charlotte famously quoted in Sex and the City, “maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
Remember: It’s just a fucking date.
Download the dating app of your choice and make some matches and don’t freak out and flake on the date just because you’re nervous to meet up with someone that’s not your ex. Don’t overthink how to flirt or if they’re going to like you. Pick someone cute and meet up with them at least once, and as they say on The Bachelor, follow your heart. What have you got to lose?
Worst case scenario… it’s a boring happy hour or you got a free meal out of it. Plus, bad dates make great stories… I’d know.